It's back to get me again. This time in the form of *pensions* (dun-dun-duuuuuh). I'm 27 and I think I have a pension of about £23.94 a year from my old council job. I'm not paying taxes (as a scummy student), but don't figure I'll be getting a state pension when I retire anyway. So what's a girl to do...
I've just discovered the stakeholder pension scheme (formed, like, 10 years ago!) and am trying to understand it. Basically it's government run and you get 25% added to whatever you put in, the company you get it through can charge you 1.5% on your investments, and when you want to retire you effectively 'buy' an annual salary, and can get a 25% lump sum tax free. Of course, you have to pay tax on your pension...
But it seems I'm actually better off using my 'tax free' allowance of the use-it-or-lose-it variety in the form of my ISA, as you can actually put a lump sum into a pension scheme later on. So I shall continue to put in my money each month, and can use it for other things in the interrim if I like. Ah, it's all so confusing!
Thursday, 11 August 2011
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Cordial!
Today I've made 1 1/2 batches of elderflower cordial for the wedding using my friend's recipe.
40-60 heads elderflower
2 kg sugar
2 litres water
2 lemons
25 g citric acid
40-60 heads elderflower
2 kg sugar
2 litres water
2 lemons
25 g citric acid
- Remove as much green as possible from the flowers.
- Bring water, sugar and lemon juice to the boil then turn off the heat.
- Add citric acid.
- Add elder flowers.
- Leave for 4 days.
- Strain into bottles.
- Sterilise bottled cordial and tighten lids.
Friday, 20 May 2011
Mentorship
I think I've decided I need a mentor - someone outside my PhD remit who I respect and who cares about my personal development, not just my productivity at work. This was highlighted by reading this thought-provoking blog post entitled 'overmanaged and underled': a common problem in many workplaces, and certainly how I'm feeling right now. A comment on the article read:
I was very lucky in my career to have had several great leaders... The qualities that all of these folks had were common among all of them. They cared about me and my development, they continually acted in a consistent manner, they did not put their careers before anyone else, and they made sure that folks below them knew who they were by making their presence known. They didn’t just walk around telling people what to do (although that is appropriate at times) but they also encouraged their people and showed a genuine interest in what they were doing.
This is definitely what I aspire to, when I finally make it back to the world of work!
I was very lucky in my career to have had several great leaders... The qualities that all of these folks had were common among all of them. They cared about me and my development, they continually acted in a consistent manner, they did not put their careers before anyone else, and they made sure that folks below them knew who they were by making their presence known. They didn’t just walk around telling people what to do (although that is appropriate at times) but they also encouraged their people and showed a genuine interest in what they were doing.
This is definitely what I aspire to, when I finally make it back to the world of work!
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Holmes-Rahe stress event testymajig
Ok, so it's 15 days to the wedding, and I'm feeling pretty stressed out right now, so I just took the Holmes-Rahe stress event test to see how bad it is. Scores below 150 indicate low levels of stress, 150-300 moderate, and 300+ severe. My score was 507 - with a 90% chance of developing a serious illness in the next 2 years. W00t. I wonder if there's some evidence of God in the fact that I've not had a mental breakdown yet!
I have however taken more time of sick this year than I ever have in my life - and felt massively guilty about it too. I'm sure the test is fallible, but finding out that I have a stress score WAY above what is considered serious makes me feel a bit less bad about feeling run-down, stressed out and generally not that productive at work. Ticking so many boxes on the test has made me realise the burden I'm carrying around day-to-day, like the junk lady in Labyrinth. The thing is, like her it's behind me so I don't generally see it.
It's also made me feel a bit angry at the lack of sympathy I've received from my supervisors over my feelings of being stressed and overwhelmed. I feel I didn't get much guidance at the start of my course (just a lot of conflicting information from my 5 supervisors), but I have still managed to be happy and productive much of the time. Perhaps they don't realise much of what's going on in my life - or perhaps those sorts of things don't affect them so much so they don't empathise - or perhaps they really do feel that I shouldn't be letting these things affect my work.
Humpf.
I have however taken more time of sick this year than I ever have in my life - and felt massively guilty about it too. I'm sure the test is fallible, but finding out that I have a stress score WAY above what is considered serious makes me feel a bit less bad about feeling run-down, stressed out and generally not that productive at work. Ticking so many boxes on the test has made me realise the burden I'm carrying around day-to-day, like the junk lady in Labyrinth. The thing is, like her it's behind me so I don't generally see it.
It's also made me feel a bit angry at the lack of sympathy I've received from my supervisors over my feelings of being stressed and overwhelmed. I feel I didn't get much guidance at the start of my course (just a lot of conflicting information from my 5 supervisors), but I have still managed to be happy and productive much of the time. Perhaps they don't realise much of what's going on in my life - or perhaps those sorts of things don't affect them so much so they don't empathise - or perhaps they really do feel that I shouldn't be letting these things affect my work.
Humpf.
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Life vs. PhD...
I don’t know if it’s the development of my faith, getting married, or simply my growing up, but I find that I’m caring less and less about my scientific ‘career’. The idea of pushing back the boundaries of science seems just tedious now, rather than challenging and exciting. I am concerned for my PhD – at this rate I’ll be lucky if I survive my transfer (from MPhil to PhD) at the one-year-in mark.
The trouble is that while I enjoy the challenge and stimulation of science, I just don’t like the atmosphere in academia. I jumped the rat race to come back to uni and do what I love, only to find that I’ve inadvertently entered a different race altogether. Due to some recent soul-searching I’ve decided that I don’t want to do the whole post-doc thing and am happy to steer well clear of academia in favour of a role in the third sector somewhere.
During one of our essential tea breaks the other day I was discussing this decision with my lab buddy, who raised an interesting point: doing a PhD as a career stepping stone is a fairly new concept – previously you would do a doctorate as a route into a university career, whereas now there are an increasing number of people doing higher and higher degrees simply to prove themselves a better candidate in the job market. With so many BSc/BA graduates flooding the marketplace, how best to stand out? Do a master’s degree. How best to really stand out? Do a PhD.
This raises a number of problems for the ‘job-minded’ PhD student, as I am concerned that my supervisor may be trying to ‘toughen us up’ for a career in academia, and while hurling review papers and criticism at us will provide us with some very useful skills, they make day to day life quite trying at times. I am also concerned that I’ve entered into a workplace I do not have the correct skill set to survive in. Am I clever enough? Certainly. Can I manage my time? Absolutely. Do I grasp abstract concepts quickly? If I’m given the necessary background information.
But what I don’t have is the obsession with my work, the willingness to work evenings and weekends as a matter of course. And I really, really don’t understand scientific writing. I also don’t have the opportunity to exercise some of what I consider to be my stronger talents – communicating science to the public, supporting other people, negotiating, writing informational documents, working as a team. (N.B. I don’t know how much of this is specific to my lab, but then it’s the only one Ihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif know, and the one that I attend every day.)
I read an article by Kathy Weston entitled “How not to succeed in academia” recently, which is what has focussed my concern over my perception on life:
“My obsession with my work declined as normal life seeped in: I got married, learned to ride horses and play the cello, looked after aging parents, and nixed all hope of redemption by having two children in my late 30s and realizing they were far more interesting than what I was doing at work”
Sadly, this is exactly how I’m feeling at the moment (save for the kids, having not reached that stage yet!). Having gone through a very, very trying period of my life (including family breakdown, caring for grandparents with rapidly deteriorating health, the break-up of a long term relationship, and finally relocation to re-start my career) I was forced to grow up, and eventually accept myself. And once I had rid myself of some insecurities, and actually began to enjoy life, I’m worried that I’ve discovered that life outside the lab is far more interesting that life inside.
The trouble is that while I enjoy the challenge and stimulation of science, I just don’t like the atmosphere in academia. I jumped the rat race to come back to uni and do what I love, only to find that I’ve inadvertently entered a different race altogether. Due to some recent soul-searching I’ve decided that I don’t want to do the whole post-doc thing and am happy to steer well clear of academia in favour of a role in the third sector somewhere.
During one of our essential tea breaks the other day I was discussing this decision with my lab buddy, who raised an interesting point: doing a PhD as a career stepping stone is a fairly new concept – previously you would do a doctorate as a route into a university career, whereas now there are an increasing number of people doing higher and higher degrees simply to prove themselves a better candidate in the job market. With so many BSc/BA graduates flooding the marketplace, how best to stand out? Do a master’s degree. How best to really stand out? Do a PhD.
This raises a number of problems for the ‘job-minded’ PhD student, as I am concerned that my supervisor may be trying to ‘toughen us up’ for a career in academia, and while hurling review papers and criticism at us will provide us with some very useful skills, they make day to day life quite trying at times. I am also concerned that I’ve entered into a workplace I do not have the correct skill set to survive in. Am I clever enough? Certainly. Can I manage my time? Absolutely. Do I grasp abstract concepts quickly? If I’m given the necessary background information.
But what I don’t have is the obsession with my work, the willingness to work evenings and weekends as a matter of course. And I really, really don’t understand scientific writing. I also don’t have the opportunity to exercise some of what I consider to be my stronger talents – communicating science to the public, supporting other people, negotiating, writing informational documents, working as a team. (N.B. I don’t know how much of this is specific to my lab, but then it’s the only one Ihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif know, and the one that I attend every day.)
I read an article by Kathy Weston entitled “How not to succeed in academia” recently, which is what has focussed my concern over my perception on life:
“My obsession with my work declined as normal life seeped in: I got married, learned to ride horses and play the cello, looked after aging parents, and nixed all hope of redemption by having two children in my late 30s and realizing they were far more interesting than what I was doing at work”
Sadly, this is exactly how I’m feeling at the moment (save for the kids, having not reached that stage yet!). Having gone through a very, very trying period of my life (including family breakdown, caring for grandparents with rapidly deteriorating health, the break-up of a long term relationship, and finally relocation to re-start my career) I was forced to grow up, and eventually accept myself. And once I had rid myself of some insecurities, and actually began to enjoy life, I’m worried that I’ve discovered that life outside the lab is far more interesting that life inside.
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Working at home
I have spent today working from home, awaiting the delivery of a wedding dress that, as of 16.05 has still not arrived. Bloody Parcelforce. I’ve had a phone call and a text from a friend in the lab enquiring as to my whereabouts, or, more precisely the reason for my non-appearance today. I must be in an especially pensive mood at the moment as it’s got me thinking.
The thing is, I’ve done so much reading today, it’s not like I’m skiving. I’ve actually allowed myself to immerse myself in what I’m reading – and I feel so much the better for it. For one thing, I've not turned on the computer until now. I’ve moved from my bed, to the floor, back to my bed, downstairs, and now to my desk. I’ve punctuated reading with sorting out some paperwork, plucking my eyebrows, reading old study notes. I feel inspired. I feel relaxed. No WAY could I do that if I’d gone into uni today.
Apparently a recent study found that for office workers (i.e. those sat at a desk all day) only 30% of their time was actually productive (very unscientifically I don’t have a reference for it). ONLY 30% of their time was spent doing what they were paid to do!
I just don’t work well spending all day at a desk. Sometimes I NEED to lie on the floor or curl up in a corner to read effectively, and in a lab or any open-plan office that’s just not possible. Even if I had my own office I suspect any passersby who caught me in such an unseemly position would think me decidedly odd. But it’s just not normal! Why do we do this to ourselves? On top of the having-to-sit-at-a-desk-all-day, it is assumed we will do this for seven hours every day, with only a lunch break and a couple of tea-breaks to punctuate it. It’s madness!
I know that I for one can spend several weeks doing this every day and achieving very little, then spend one morning deep in concentration and achieve more than I have in all that time. The crazy thing being that it is then assumed that I’ll work the rest of the day. When I’ve used that much mental energy in such a short space of time there is no way I’m going to be productive that afternoon and I’d do much better to go swimming or take the dog for a walk. But cultural expectation is that I’ll be in the office until 5. But because I’m that much more drained, the next day I’ll be less productive. Note to self: maybe I need to ignore what people think and just do what I think is right.
This last idea is especially relevant to my supervisors. You see, I have five. FIVE! And although it’s brilliant that I have a panel of experts to help me when I get stuck, it also means I have five people to report back to. Which can be demoralising when you’re not being very productive. Bad enough one, let alone a cohort. Added to this my main supervisor is some sort of superhuman work machine, and isn’t that much older than me. But I have absolutely no aspirations to become any form of academic. How do I explain to a supervisor that my PhD actually isn’t the most important thing in my life? It’s way up there, and I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else right now, but when push comes to shove, family, friends and God come first. Ah the tension of the 'real' world, and what I consider the real world (i.e. God's world). Dagnammit, maybe I’ll find some answers at some point...
The thing is, I’ve done so much reading today, it’s not like I’m skiving. I’ve actually allowed myself to immerse myself in what I’m reading – and I feel so much the better for it. For one thing, I've not turned on the computer until now. I’ve moved from my bed, to the floor, back to my bed, downstairs, and now to my desk. I’ve punctuated reading with sorting out some paperwork, plucking my eyebrows, reading old study notes. I feel inspired. I feel relaxed. No WAY could I do that if I’d gone into uni today.
Apparently a recent study found that for office workers (i.e. those sat at a desk all day) only 30% of their time was actually productive (very unscientifically I don’t have a reference for it). ONLY 30% of their time was spent doing what they were paid to do!
I just don’t work well spending all day at a desk. Sometimes I NEED to lie on the floor or curl up in a corner to read effectively, and in a lab or any open-plan office that’s just not possible. Even if I had my own office I suspect any passersby who caught me in such an unseemly position would think me decidedly odd. But it’s just not normal! Why do we do this to ourselves? On top of the having-to-sit-at-a-desk-all-day, it is assumed we will do this for seven hours every day, with only a lunch break and a couple of tea-breaks to punctuate it. It’s madness!
I know that I for one can spend several weeks doing this every day and achieving very little, then spend one morning deep in concentration and achieve more than I have in all that time. The crazy thing being that it is then assumed that I’ll work the rest of the day. When I’ve used that much mental energy in such a short space of time there is no way I’m going to be productive that afternoon and I’d do much better to go swimming or take the dog for a walk. But cultural expectation is that I’ll be in the office until 5. But because I’m that much more drained, the next day I’ll be less productive. Note to self: maybe I need to ignore what people think and just do what I think is right.
This last idea is especially relevant to my supervisors. You see, I have five. FIVE! And although it’s brilliant that I have a panel of experts to help me when I get stuck, it also means I have five people to report back to. Which can be demoralising when you’re not being very productive. Bad enough one, let alone a cohort. Added to this my main supervisor is some sort of superhuman work machine, and isn’t that much older than me. But I have absolutely no aspirations to become any form of academic. How do I explain to a supervisor that my PhD actually isn’t the most important thing in my life? It’s way up there, and I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else right now, but when push comes to shove, family, friends and God come first. Ah the tension of the 'real' world, and what I consider the real world (i.e. God's world). Dagnammit, maybe I’ll find some answers at some point...
Monday, 3 January 2011
Money and happiness
I had a conversation with the vicar at my aunt and uncle's church this Sunday which has really got me thinking. It concerned a friend of his who (I forget the fine detail, but believe) took on running a farm in Zimbabwe – or at least Southern Africa. On looking at the books he realised that the white employees were earning 4 times what the black employees were. Realising this was a recipe for litigational disaster (not to mention very unfair) he wanted to raise the black employees' salaries. He called in the first of these to let him know that he wished to double the guy's salary. The man replied "that's very kind – now I will only need to work half the hours!"
An attitude to money like this is so alien and far removed from the Western culture I've been brought up in. When Jon phoned up his old best mate from home to let him know of our engagement, he had in the back of his mind that he wanted him to be his best man. But after 5 minutes from his friend about how he'd been promoted and was really tired and quite stressed from the extra work, but hey it was ok as his salary had increased considerably, Jon realised that he really had very little in common with his friend any more. Sad, but I think his friend represents the prevalent attitude to money in this country.
It's really got me thinking about my own attitudes to work and money. I've always joked that my brother will be the one who earns the big bucks while I'll be the one who's poor, but ultimately happy. It still holds true, but I think that in the back of my mind I still do have a hankering for a nice salary – some financial security.
In a conversation with Jon the other day we discussed how salary can be used as a means of justification for a horrid job – the "I hate my job, but the money's good" attitude. I certainly felt that way in my old job, though moreover I felt that my pay wasn't sufficient justification for how much I hated my job. It was for that reason that I turned down a job at higher pay to start my MSc, feeling that the money wouldn't prove sufficient justification for wasting my life - simply for the sake of a higher paycheck. It seems so simple to me now, but that decision took a whole week of soul searching to come to.
I think Jon's attitude to money is quite different to mine in that I can see myself easily earning a 30k salary with my education and skills, whereas he doesn't. I have that aspiration where he doesn't really see the point of it. I can't work out if it's a good thing that he sees money for the trap that it is, or whether he simply has low aspirations based on low self confidence. I know that for myself I am constantly falling in the gulf of despond between what I could be earning if I followed the dollar, and what I am earning having followed my heart and conscience. I suppose ultimately I am aware that what I am NOT doing is falling in the same gap between potential and actual earnings having followed the dollar and failed. Though I know that job satisfaction is key for me – if I was earning 40k right now doing something I either hated or that was ethically suspect I would not be happy either.
I watched the BBC Yellowstone documentary again the other day, and was struck by the bit-at-the-end about one of the sound guys who was "half fish" enjoying as he did, donning a wet suit and swimming the Yellowstone river sans breathing or buoyant equipment. It drove home to me the importance of doing what you love.
My cousin-in-law (as I call him, having married my cousin) is bike mad, and currently works in a bike shop, earning, on a recent pay rise, £7 an hour. Their combined income isn't much, and they do struggle. But I was thinking the other day that I can see him ending up in some fascinating and non-conventional job that pays a bucketload because he's stuck with doing something he loves. That said, my best friend's parents earn a combined income of about £25k as a gardener and masseuse, have a gorgeous house, take loads of holidays and are the most contented couple I know. Money really doesn't need to be a vital factor.
An attitude to money like this is so alien and far removed from the Western culture I've been brought up in. When Jon phoned up his old best mate from home to let him know of our engagement, he had in the back of his mind that he wanted him to be his best man. But after 5 minutes from his friend about how he'd been promoted and was really tired and quite stressed from the extra work, but hey it was ok as his salary had increased considerably, Jon realised that he really had very little in common with his friend any more. Sad, but I think his friend represents the prevalent attitude to money in this country.
It's really got me thinking about my own attitudes to work and money. I've always joked that my brother will be the one who earns the big bucks while I'll be the one who's poor, but ultimately happy. It still holds true, but I think that in the back of my mind I still do have a hankering for a nice salary – some financial security.
In a conversation with Jon the other day we discussed how salary can be used as a means of justification for a horrid job – the "I hate my job, but the money's good" attitude. I certainly felt that way in my old job, though moreover I felt that my pay wasn't sufficient justification for how much I hated my job. It was for that reason that I turned down a job at higher pay to start my MSc, feeling that the money wouldn't prove sufficient justification for wasting my life - simply for the sake of a higher paycheck. It seems so simple to me now, but that decision took a whole week of soul searching to come to.
I think Jon's attitude to money is quite different to mine in that I can see myself easily earning a 30k salary with my education and skills, whereas he doesn't. I have that aspiration where he doesn't really see the point of it. I can't work out if it's a good thing that he sees money for the trap that it is, or whether he simply has low aspirations based on low self confidence. I know that for myself I am constantly falling in the gulf of despond between what I could be earning if I followed the dollar, and what I am earning having followed my heart and conscience. I suppose ultimately I am aware that what I am NOT doing is falling in the same gap between potential and actual earnings having followed the dollar and failed. Though I know that job satisfaction is key for me – if I was earning 40k right now doing something I either hated or that was ethically suspect I would not be happy either.
I watched the BBC Yellowstone documentary again the other day, and was struck by the bit-at-the-end about one of the sound guys who was "half fish" enjoying as he did, donning a wet suit and swimming the Yellowstone river sans breathing or buoyant equipment. It drove home to me the importance of doing what you love.
My cousin-in-law (as I call him, having married my cousin) is bike mad, and currently works in a bike shop, earning, on a recent pay rise, £7 an hour. Their combined income isn't much, and they do struggle. But I was thinking the other day that I can see him ending up in some fascinating and non-conventional job that pays a bucketload because he's stuck with doing something he loves. That said, my best friend's parents earn a combined income of about £25k as a gardener and masseuse, have a gorgeous house, take loads of holidays and are the most contented couple I know. Money really doesn't need to be a vital factor.
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