Christmas time

I've been a bit busy, what with Christmas and all, but now it's over, and I can relax, and hopefully get my sleep pattern back on track (after today, of course).

Christmas Day went remarkably well. The plan is usually thus: We all go to church (practically next door to my grandparent's house) - me and my brother then go back to cook and prepare while mum entertains grandparents at their house - they all come to the dinner - we lunch all together - open presents - have a nice cup of tea and some cake - then at about 3pm granny begins fussing about going home - then my grandparents go home at about 3.15pm.

We turned up chez grandparents to find my granny essentially in her gardening clothes, and complaining about not being able to do up the button at the back of her trousers. We said we thought they were on back to front to which she replied "oh, don't you start as well" - this was what my grandad had been telling her. Sadly whenever my grandad points out something like this she thinks he's getting at her, not trying to help like he is. Still, my mum managed to get her sorted out, and church went fine. I did feel sad about her clothes though - she's always been so particular about being smart for church, it shows how much has changed this past year. As my brother said "she can barely dress herself, let alone choose a smart outfit". It's funny how things slowly change, I remember it being referred to as "creeping normalcy" in a very different setting, but it's the same thing. I guess little by little as the brain cells trickle away you get used to the new person you deal with, and with each 'event' you just learn to laugh so you don't cry at how tragic it all is.

This was my 4th (5th?) Christmas lunch, but the first cooked away from my mum's house. Thankfully we are all living in the same town at the moment so the shuttling between properties worked, and my fears about my evil fan-assisted oven were unfounded and lunch was a success. It gave my mum a routing point for my granny, as if there's one thing she does still understand it's the troubles of housekeeping, and sympathy for me cooking my 'first' Christmas lunch helped dispel any anxiety that began.

The day went brilliantly. My granny loved her presents - a horrid twinset from Edinburgh Woollen Mill from my mum and a big cuddly teddy from me and my brother. She must have spent about 10 minutes reading the label of the twinset ("ooh, Woolmark, that's good isn't it?") and absolutely loved the teddy as apparently she's always wanted one. Latest news from them is that the twinset has been largely forgotten and the teddy has been put away so it doesn't get damaged - ho well, we tried! The really good thing is that she does seem to have remembered the day, and remembered it fondly. There's *something* that's making her anxious at the moment though, and we don't know what it is. I hope it doesn't overshadow the day in her memory as she was so happy.

All GPs to get dementia training

All NHS GPs in England are to be trained to spot the early symptoms of dementia, under government plans.

Read the article

All calm on the Western front

Last night I went out to a Christmas show with my mum, brother and other half. It was the first time in a good while my mum hadn't been round to my grandparents of an evening, but so far, so good. I don't want to tempt fate though as last time she skipped a day my granny got her knickers in a right twist (perhaps, circumstances considered, that's not a great term to use) and I got called on my mobile at work - never a good sign. I think it was the product of a brainwave of the Crossroads lady - I went and bought an old shirt and chopped a button off it for her to "mend" (this being something she's always pestered me to give her to do). The first one I did was fine, but the call I got was regarding the second, because "noone's been round to collect it, I waited up last night and noone came, so how do I know you will today? I do these things for people...". There goes another idea to keep her busy and make her feel useful :o(

Apparently the day following the outburst my granny was fine. I suppose that's an up side of dementia - that although some things will linger, not everything that upsets you today will upset you tomorrow. Mercifully you will forget some of the things that make you sad in life, even if you also forget a lot of the things that made you happy.

Did I just make a really big mistake?

In a moment of good-meaning I may possibly have registered for next year's BUPA 10K in London, to raise money for Alzheimer's UK...

This is questionable for a number of reasons:

1. I am asthmatic, and have never been very successful at running - especially on tarmac (it makes my knees hurt!).

2. Although usually quite a fit and healthy person I am currently incredibly unfit, as a result of undertaking office-based work. Because of said office work I have also put on quite a lot of weight, and am a wee bit chubby right now.

3. The run is in May which gives me 5 months to train, but most of those will be cold months, and cold air is the main trigger for my asthma.

4. I am not a very organised person, or dedicated when it comes to exercise. Training could prove problematic.

I signed up though because I knew if I hesitated these reasons would take over, and I wouldn't do it. But I need to get fit, and if there's anyone worth doing it for, it's my granny. If this was 10 years ago she'd be extremely proud - though would probably say I was a loony.

More than anything I want to raise awareness for Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia, which is a fact I strongly believe I will have to refer to when I have pulled muscles and cramps later down the line....

How on earth do you start one of these things?

Hmmmm. Well, my name is Bee, and I am 25. I live with my brother, and analyse data for a living: yes, I am something of a geek. I have been low of late, and have decided it is high time I start some kind of blog as I am sure that I am not the only one in this boat.

My granny has dementia. I don't know the cause. She doesn't think there's anything wrong, and won't go to the doctor. Up until recently we were really very close, which I understand is something quite unusual - especially for "my generation". I'm in a funny old situation as I'm neither her primary caregiver (my grandad), nor the secondary caregiver (my mum), but still get very involved and probably take on far more emotional responsibility than I should.

Last night I was privy to a rather incredible display of vicious resentment and confusion from my granny, what I understand is called "the catastrophic reaction" in the literature. Convinced that my mum is her hated (late) sister, she let rip about what were obviously some long-held (although vague) resentments, rising from an incident the previous day when she and my granddad had arrived 10 minutes early to my mum's for tea to find an empty house – "We'd been waiting for two hours… I was colder than I'd ever been". She then began ranting about the one remaining carer who comes on a Monday being bossy and making her go out when she didn't want to. I think my mum finally lost her patience and chaos ensued.

I never thought I would have been in the situation where I was trying to calm down an argument between my granny and my mum, having my granny crying on my shoulder after my mum had (albeit briefly) stormed out. The problem is, dementia won't be reasoned with. Every time I tried my usual tactic of changing the subject, she started it all again. The facts were gone, but the feeling remained. My mum, mustering what I can only describe as incredible mettle, apologised profusely for the argument, and took full responsibility for the misunderstanding: "...I'm really sorry. Can we be friends again?". What came from my granny next was what shocked me: "No. I won't. You said some really hurtful things and I'm very upset now. You're always like this - bossy - you always have been."

After that I made my excuses and called my uncle and auntie to please phone my grandparents, in an attempt to calm things down. I don't know if it did. I told my mum we had to go – I just couldn't take any more.

Dementia is so cruel, and in its advanced phases I fear it has a way of baring the very worst parts of a person's personality. I never wanted to see the grandparents I idolised like this, but life happens – I just need to understand it better. I'm hoping this blog will help me explore the subject a bit more...